Cloudy days project their unhappiness onto my fingers.
It's getting warmer these days.
Oh! Warmth. I am sorry.
I cannot blame the weather for my own problems.
Last night, I had a weird dream.
I dreamt, I was lost in a swamp, alone and without direction.
Having no clue how to walk out this desert-like, all-grey and desolate marsh.
Hopeless, "Swamp, swamp..." I whisper and murmur this word again and again.
Luckily, I woke up at long last.
But the very word lingered and haunted, like a curse.
I always feel tired during the daytime.
It feels like I am there talking with everyone but I am actually not there.
I am listening but I am not listening either.
Exhausted, and giving up struggling, I'd rather swamp in THE swamp I created myself.
I drown myself in the isolation.
Crying without voice, so no one ever came.
"It's bad for ya." I said to my self.
"I know. But...I am just too scared to be found and saved and left behind over and over again. So I reject them all in the first place. "
"BUT this is what's life all about."
Swamp, swamp.
Old memories, old and unhappy memories, old and unhappy and unshakable memories.
Like an assassin, follow me wherever I go, looking for the very moment I show my insecurity and weakness.
Then shot my right in my heart, putting me down on my knees.
Motionless and lifeless.
That's my design for the ending of my story.